BEST JOKE YOU GOT...CLEAN.
05-20-2010, 07:57 AM
#135
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Clarksville, TN
Posts: 1,922
What other forums are saying.............
Bentley Forums - - - I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?
Camaro/Firebird Forums - - - My girl slept with my brother and my wife.
How can I kill 'em? (btw, I have a record and I ain't going back.)
Mustang Forums - - - Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.
Civic Forums - - - Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.
Yugo Forum (Yugos only rate one Forum) - - - When's the last time yours ran?
Lamborghini Forums - - - Annoying wind noise around 210MPH...
Miata Forums - - - Some jackass in a Yukon just ran over my car. (pics)
GMC Yukon Forums - - - Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely
remove it? (pics)
BMW 7-series Forums - - - Where do I go to get my Rolex serviced?
Cadillac Forums - - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.
Ford Excursion Forums - - - Is the price of gas going down anytime soon? I'm
thinking about buying an oilwell.
Buick Forums - - - Which is better? Medicare or Medicaid?
Crown Victoria Forums - - - How come people never drive faster than 55
on the
highway?
Honda Accord Forums - - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap,
used 18 inch wheels.
Toyota Echo Forums - - - Do our cars use Double A's or Triple A's?
Ferrari Forums - - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia.
Want to get in and out fast.
Saturn Forums - - - Cigarette landed on my fender. Fender melted and need to
replace.
Mini Forums - - - Just flipped the Cooper after watching The Italian
Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)
Dodge Viper Forums - - - I floored-it on the way home from work
yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?
McLaren F1 Forums - - - Some punk in a jet tried to race me.
Dodge Minivan Forums - - - Where's the best place to post the soccer
schedule so I don't forget where I'm supposed to be?
Hummer Forums - - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have
to get the touch-up paint from the Dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in
gas.
Fiat Forum - - - Hello? Hello? Am I the only one here? (Might be
combined with Yugo Forum in the future).
fiero forum : check out my new fire suit (pics)
Subaru WRX Forums - - - Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking
lot.
SRT Forums - - - "Will this void my warranty"
GNX Forums - - - Transmission Groupbuy full! Stop PM'ing me!!!
NSX Forums - - - Head to big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.
Z06 Forums - - - Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier
steering wheel?
Mopar Forums - - - Help! I've replaced everything and it still won't start!
Circle Track Mini Stock Racer's Forums - - - Those darn Formula
Continental and Sports Racers have used up all of the 2.0 Ford Pinto engines!
Formula and Sports Racer's Forums - - - Those darn Mini-Stock racers
have used up all of the 2.0 Ford Pinto engines!
Silver Crown Forums - - - Do you suppose we can race at Indy with the
new car?
Indy Forums - - - Do you suppose Tony will allow front engine open-wheel
cars at Indy?
Corvette Forum: I don't know... you'll have to ask my mechanic.
RX-7 Forums: I blew the Apex Seals in my engine....again
Aston Martin forum - My battery died whilst being delivered to my house from the showroom. How do I get in?
Escalade Forums: Where do I find a platinum grill encrusted with diamonds, FOR MY MOUTH????
Tri-5 Chevy Forums: Someone customized a 57 Chevy with non-chevy parts instead of restoring it,,,,,should we KILL HIM????
Vintage Vette Forums: I have a 1969 windshield wiper motor for sale, $50,000 obo. (buyer must arrange shipping).
Late 70's / early 80's Trans Am Forums: My girl has been spending too much time at the METH DEALER'S TRAILER, what should I do?
Chevy HHR forum- "man....I trashed a PT Cruiser getting on the freeway"
PT Cruiser Forum- "I let a Chevy HHR go by me on an onramp...I
wasn't even on the gas"
Florida Cadillac/Lincoln Forum: How do I keep the left turn signal from self-cancelling??
Buick Forum: Fedora, or Derby??
Studebaker Forum: You will NOT believe where I found rust today!?!?!
BMW M/C Forum: I have to remove HOW MUCH plastic to change my oil?!?!?!
Ducati Bevel drive Forum: Shims more shims howmany shimswhereohmygodmoreshims blublublub
Citroën 2CV Forum: If I get asked ONE MORE TIME if it's a kit car, I'm gonna....
Bentley Forums - - - I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?
Camaro/Firebird Forums - - - My girl slept with my brother and my wife.
How can I kill 'em? (btw, I have a record and I ain't going back.)
Mustang Forums - - - Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.
Civic Forums - - - Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.
Yugo Forum (Yugos only rate one Forum) - - - When's the last time yours ran?
Lamborghini Forums - - - Annoying wind noise around 210MPH...
Miata Forums - - - Some jackass in a Yukon just ran over my car. (pics)
GMC Yukon Forums - - - Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely
remove it? (pics)
BMW 7-series Forums - - - Where do I go to get my Rolex serviced?
Cadillac Forums - - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.
Ford Excursion Forums - - - Is the price of gas going down anytime soon? I'm
thinking about buying an oilwell.
Buick Forums - - - Which is better? Medicare or Medicaid?
Crown Victoria Forums - - - How come people never drive faster than 55
on the
highway?
Honda Accord Forums - - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap,
used 18 inch wheels.
Toyota Echo Forums - - - Do our cars use Double A's or Triple A's?
Ferrari Forums - - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia.
Want to get in and out fast.
Saturn Forums - - - Cigarette landed on my fender. Fender melted and need to
replace.
Mini Forums - - - Just flipped the Cooper after watching The Italian
Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)
Dodge Viper Forums - - - I floored-it on the way home from work
yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?
McLaren F1 Forums - - - Some punk in a jet tried to race me.
Dodge Minivan Forums - - - Where's the best place to post the soccer
schedule so I don't forget where I'm supposed to be?
Hummer Forums - - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have
to get the touch-up paint from the Dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in
gas.
Fiat Forum - - - Hello? Hello? Am I the only one here? (Might be
combined with Yugo Forum in the future).
fiero forum : check out my new fire suit (pics)
Subaru WRX Forums - - - Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking
lot.
SRT Forums - - - "Will this void my warranty"
GNX Forums - - - Transmission Groupbuy full! Stop PM'ing me!!!
NSX Forums - - - Head to big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.
Z06 Forums - - - Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier
steering wheel?
Mopar Forums - - - Help! I've replaced everything and it still won't start!
Circle Track Mini Stock Racer's Forums - - - Those darn Formula
Continental and Sports Racers have used up all of the 2.0 Ford Pinto engines!
Formula and Sports Racer's Forums - - - Those darn Mini-Stock racers
have used up all of the 2.0 Ford Pinto engines!
Silver Crown Forums - - - Do you suppose we can race at Indy with the
new car?
Indy Forums - - - Do you suppose Tony will allow front engine open-wheel
cars at Indy?
Corvette Forum: I don't know... you'll have to ask my mechanic.
RX-7 Forums: I blew the Apex Seals in my engine....again
Aston Martin forum - My battery died whilst being delivered to my house from the showroom. How do I get in?
Escalade Forums: Where do I find a platinum grill encrusted with diamonds, FOR MY MOUTH????
Tri-5 Chevy Forums: Someone customized a 57 Chevy with non-chevy parts instead of restoring it,,,,,should we KILL HIM????
Vintage Vette Forums: I have a 1969 windshield wiper motor for sale, $50,000 obo. (buyer must arrange shipping).
Late 70's / early 80's Trans Am Forums: My girl has been spending too much time at the METH DEALER'S TRAILER, what should I do?
Chevy HHR forum- "man....I trashed a PT Cruiser getting on the freeway"
PT Cruiser Forum- "I let a Chevy HHR go by me on an onramp...I
wasn't even on the gas"
Florida Cadillac/Lincoln Forum: How do I keep the left turn signal from self-cancelling??
Buick Forum: Fedora, or Derby??
Studebaker Forum: You will NOT believe where I found rust today!?!?!
BMW M/C Forum: I have to remove HOW MUCH plastic to change my oil?!?!?!
Ducati Bevel drive Forum: Shims more shims howmany shimswhereohmygodmoreshims blublublub
Citroën 2CV Forum: If I get asked ONE MORE TIME if it's a kit car, I'm gonna....
05-28-2010, 06:19 AM
#137
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Emmett, Idaho
Posts: 7,334
Stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma . Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct...
The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership........damn guy had no sense of humor.
The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership........damn guy had no sense of humor.
06-09-2010, 02:56 PM
#138
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Emmett, Idaho
Posts: 7,334
Pastor's Business Card
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door..
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis ' 3:10".
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked'
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door..
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis ' 3:10".
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked'
06-29-2010, 03:30 PM
#139
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,523
Irish vs. The French!
The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begorra!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary , and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no f****n' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begorra!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary , and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no f****n' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'