dragonmaster093

PLEASE tell me this won't happen to us.....

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation to the dispatcher: 'They've
stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the
accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer
is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in
'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!
__________________________________________________ ______________________

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night
the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The
94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She
starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'
The 92-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get
that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then yells, 'I'll come up and
help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
__________________________________________________ ______________________

'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!' Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were
playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy,
isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday..' And the
third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
__________________________________________________ _____________________

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
'Supersex...' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.
Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a
moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
__________________________________________________ __________________

Now this one is just too Precious...LOL! Two elderly ladies had been
friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of
activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited
to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were
playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get
mad at me .... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just
can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember it. Please tell me what your name is..'
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
__________________________________________________ ___________________

SENIOR DRIVING:
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just
one car.. It's hundreds of them!'

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
__________________________________________________ _______________
And this one is just too scary!!! DRIVING Two elderly women were out
driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As
they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight
was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger
seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we
just went through a red light.'

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the
light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the
passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was
really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went
on through. So she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did
you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could
have killed us both!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

outlaw256

thanks man, those were funny and true.lol

THERATTLER

Am I fixing to read this or did I just finish reading this?????

itsabird

:lol: :lol: :lol:

itsabird

Now, what was i looking for :?: :?: :?: