CamBirdRacing

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well cared for.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head.

He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap'.

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with non-stopping chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.

Can I come with him tomorrow?'

bjuice

lady purchased a Magic mirror from Flea Market, She got it home ripped off her top stood in front of Mirror and said " Magic Mirror on the door make my boobs a 44"...BAM...44 boobs popped out there...

Weeks Later an old drunk walked by the mirror after hearing what it did for the lady..He dropped his drawers and stood in front of the mirror and said " Magic Mirror on the door make my crank touch the floor "...and HIS LEGS FELL OFF ! :shock:

BEAST477

:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:

ajk

OK, gonna do a 180 and go with the WORST joke:

What is a pirates favorite letter?

Most think it be the rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

But actually, it be the cccccccccccc!

Yes, it must be said with a pirates voice. :lol: :lol: :lol:

CamBirdRacing

The all Girl Biker Bar
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4.e woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The ladur right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

Harbone

Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day.
One day Betty said, "Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives. Please do me one favor. When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there." Bertha looked up at Betty and said, "Betty, if it's at all possible, I'll do it." Shortly after that, Bertha died.
A few nights later, Betty was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, "Betty, Betty."
"Who is it," asked Betty, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Betty -- it's me, Bertha."
"Bertha! Where are you?"
"In heaven," replied Bertha. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," said Betty.
"The good news," Bertha said, "is that there's women's softball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here, too. Even better than that, we're all young again, and it's always springtime and it never rains or snows. Best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," said Betty. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."

TheYellaBrick

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

fla1976

The Outhouse
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. The family still used an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was so hot in the summer, freezing cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined that one day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek.




So, one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He found a large pole and started pushing. Finally, after much effort, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.



That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. The boy knew that meant a spanking, so he asked why.



The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"



The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth..."



The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father probably wasn't in the cherry tree."

TheYellaBrick

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Harbone

THE SENSUOUS WIFE

A husband came home to find his wife laying on the bed dressed in lingerie and looking very sexy.

"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asked the wife.
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

"Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" she asked.
"Uh, no," he said.
She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

"Have you ever seen 30,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
"No," he said, now really intrigued.
"Well.....go look in the garage..."