outlaw256

ok guys, this is kinda hard for me but im gonna tell yall the truth. we all know how things use to be. the cars,the music, clothes, etc. and most of yall can move on forward and leave the past behind, maybe where it belongs. well im really having trouble doing just that. its got to where i almost have to recreate the past. im building my cars as i would have back in the late 60s and early 70s.i still look like i did then too. well all but the body and face.lol hell that was 40yrs ago.but i still got my hair. alot thinnner but its all there.and lots of it. i still wear 2 earrings and a long ponytail and i braid my beard. i still dress like i did 40 yrs ago. my music is now considered classic rock.when did that happen.i still want my 8 tracks. and cassettes. in fact i still have them in my cars.dont play so good but i cant seem to switch over to cd.i have the same attitude that i had when i was young. mess with me and ill beat your ass kinda thinkin.but now im crippled up but i seem to forget that when crap happens.im stuck in a time warp and i cannot get out. ive tried to come in to the future. hell im on a computer aint i.ive started to cry now when i think about the past. god i miss it.i long for the days when we all would cruz the neighborhood. doing burnouts at redlites.sittin around at the dq talkin cars. and sometimes about the best pot we just smoked.lol. i watch all the reruns on tv. i love all the shows from the 50s and thru the 70s.when we had just 3 channels we had more shows and better quality.. if i listen to the radio it has to be a classic rock station or i wont turn it on.i know im gettin old and im crippled up now. gettin old is just part of life, i know that. but i have to have the past here, now or i cant survive.my bike wreck seems to have caused alot more damage than we had thought. my brain dr. told me and my wife that i have brain damage and that i would never be the same man she married. and that i was a prime candadate for alzhimers or dementa. in other words, im gonna loose my mind.well its starting to happen.and im getting scared.ive had to live with extreme pain for 7 yrs now.and now im addicted to narcotics, again. was when i was 17. but got clean and stayed that way.but i dont care. just as long as the pain stays away and i can get my drugs when i need them.i dont even get a buzz just feel better.like normal.hell befoer my wreck my iq was 151.now i cant remember a sbc firing order.lol or anything else.i now stutter some when i talk, i dont talk on the phone because i get all fustrated.my wife has to make appointments for me because i get mad at the people on the other end of the phone.my son has to call around lookin for parts because i forget what im workin on.and im gettin tired. tired of the pain, tired of all the problems this damn wreck has brought on.but i love being back in the day.maybe when i finally lose my mind ill go bach there and stay.wouldnt that be cool. to really believe its the 70s again.ive been fightin depression for a few yrs now and i was winnin but now i think its turned on me.its hard to be smart one day and dummer than a bag of rocks the next.the only time im happy is when im rollin down the road in one of my old cars.my 7 yr old granddaughter is the only one who can control my temper and she doesnt even know that. when she comes to stay with me. im a different person but when she goes back to her mom im right back where i am now. lost.lost in time.something just came to me. maybe i long so bad for the past is because that was when i didnt hurt,and i was strong.and happy.i dont know why i put this up here. ive never shared anything like this before with anyone. never.now im sharing my feelings with guys that ive never met. kinda funny dont you think.oh yeah another thing, i dont sleep more than a hour or two a nite. been that way for about 6 yrs. now. never could sleep too much but now its hardly ever.oh well.and my lungs burn all the time now. we all know what that means.hell, ive smoked 3 pks aday for yrs, what do you think is gonna happen.and i aint going to no dr. ive buried alot of my friends lately because of the big c.and they all went to the dr. went thru hell and died anyway. not me, im staying out in the shop till my day gets here. and ill decide when that is.they all went thrun treatments and suffered like hell.im in enough pain now. aint gonna have no more .man i think im writin a book!lol well im done for now. thanks guys for letting me get this crap off my chest.i think i need to see it in writing so i can fiqure out where im at. again thanks. outlaw

Harbone

damn Ken I dont know what to say. Getting old sucks enough as it is but throwing health complications on top of it dont make the golden years easy. stay in contact with your doctor and spend as much time with your grandchild as you can, sounds like you find peace with her.
Brother you are in my prayers and feel free to message me at any time...

BEAST477

:shock: I'm speechless outlaw. Wishing better days for you.

TheYellaBrick

By sharing that with us, your friends, we can help you shoulder some of the load, not physically but spiritually. Many times, just unloading can be of benefit. We are with ya, Ken.

TheRabbit

Ken, that's a pretty long post, almost a book. lol.
Just kidding, but what I'm getting at is you may be being a little harder on yourself than you should be. That had to take a while to type, I know it would for me.
I can't imagine going through what you've been through and I feel hypocritical telling you to be tough and hang in there when I've never been through anything like that.
But, I can tell you that there are people in your life that want you to be there with them every day and they will help you with your
struggles.

There is nothing wrong with being lost in time. I think everybody finds a time in their life that was their favorite and kinda stay there or even go back to it.
I know I've done exactly that over the last few years.

You really should go to the doctor. It may not be anything bad, but it could cause worse problem if you don't do something about it.

csx8506

Outlaw, I read a lot of your posts, and most of the time I wholeheartly agree with you, even though my background and my looks are nothing like yours. But that's ok, that among other things is what makes this country great.
I agree with TheRabbit X2, especially the part about go to the Dr. May help you, if you don't like, or agree with him, you don't have to do it.
I'm like you, I think the "good ole days" were the best. I'll be wishing you the best and praying for you.

TheRabbit

Anybody heard from outlaw since he made this thread?

TheYellaBrick

When Ken is really hurtin', it is difficult for him to converse on here although he might come in and see whats going on. He's a tough and genuine person going through some really tough times. Say a prayer for him and his Lady. I'd love to meet him someday ! It'd be fun to get this whole core group together on the 'bus' some day for a road trip to a nearby race track !

Harbone

I hope to meet him someday too. I just sent him a message on the RJ side to let him know we are thinking about him...

outlaw256

guys, im still here.i check in once in awhile just to make sure you all are ok. this internet thing is really strange. i meet people face to face and couldnr give a ratsa$$ about them. meet people on the net and they become really good freinds and you care about what happens to them.never thought that could happen with me.lol but it did.worked out in the shop yesterday for about 13 hrs. went in and still had plenty of energy. aint oxycodone great!!! lol.get close to finishing mamas 67 impala.gonna be a happy day for me to see her take off in it.when i feel like typing more im gonna tell my friends a little story. hell im gettin good at that.! dont worry about me. im still fightin and i aint going anywhere.but i can say unloading here the other day did wonders for me. get to say outloud whats been eating at me now that i know i can work on fixing it.but then again its kinda good to be back in the day.anyone want to come with me. lol again thanks guys for your support. you will never know how much it means to me. ken aka OUTLAW lol