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Thread: Breaking news: Obama Introduces Americans With No Abilities

  1. #1
    Senior Member RACING JUNKIE TheYellaBrick's Avatar
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    Breaking news: Obama Introduces Americans With No Abilities

    Washington , DC - (Dateline February 18, 2009)

    President Barack Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer - Democrat. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

    In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi Democrat, and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid Democrat - pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

    Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

    Under AWNAA, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

    Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"

    "As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,"said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey."This new law should be real good for people like me," Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Said Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat-IL), "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."
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  2. #2
    Senior Member DYNO OPERATOR
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
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    Sounds like drivers in Houston.

    WHICH I believe that to get your license renwed it should be required that you take at least a 4 hour driver training course. What about these people that have never had a ticket? They are the worst drivers. They don't know what laws they are breaking. Driving laws change every year and most people don't know that, so an education course would do most people good. I am not talking about wasting your whole saturday on a 8 hour course, just 4 hours to go over new laws that have put in place over the last 4 to 6 years.

  3. #3
    Senior Member RACING JUNKIE
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    The largest group benifitting from the AWNAA, Will be our talentless politicians.
    No matter where you go, there you are.
    **IN GOD WE TRUST**

  4. #4
    Hell, ill quit building engines and put my application in to be a brain surgen :roll:


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