Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Best divorce letter ever written?

  1. #1
    Senior Member EXPERT BUILDER
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    279

    Best divorce letter ever written?

    Dear Connie,

    I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

    But now I see that my pride cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie."

    I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

    Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice-skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. **** like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit.

    Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought: "look at the stuff we've made important in our lives." It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it.

    And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Same nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you.

    Holy cow, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. Everything I do just reminds me of you.

    Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

    Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is.

    So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

    It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

    Otherwise, can you let me know where the ****ing remote is?

    Love,

    Bill

  2. #2
    Senior Member RACING JUNKIE mytmouz's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Pelahatchie, MS
    Posts
    983
    :lol:
    If you think nobody cares, try missing a payment...

  3. #3
    Senior Member RACING JUNKIE
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    EastWenatchee,WA
    Posts
    887
    SWEET, sounds like the man is sad, but trying to make life a lil nicer!!!!! LOL :lol:

  4. #4
    Senior Member DYNO OPERATOR
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    558
    I LOVE IT- CINNAMON RING THATS A NEW ONE FOR ME! I hadnt heard that one. David. you da man LOL,LOL.

  5. #5

  6. #6
    Member MASTER JOURNEYMAN
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Lowell, IN
    Posts
    47
    HA LOL :lol: :lol:

  7. #7
    Senior Member MASTER BUILDER
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Faribault, Mn.
    Posts
    227
    :lol: That poor guy, sounds like he really misses her! :lol:
    You lift,...you lose.

  8. #8
    Senior Member MASTER BUILDER
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    IN
    Posts
    177

    Re: Best divorce letter ever written?

    Sounds like he has his priorities in order.
    http://i399.photobucket.com/albums/p...ber13417-1.jpg

    SEMPER FI!

    U can step on the brake
    U can step on the gas
    But step on ur crank
    Ur gonna get passed!

  9. #9
    Member MASTER JOURNEYMAN
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    yelm,wa
    Posts
    46
    Just read that to my wife :shock: considering we just got back together last year..lol sorry i thought that was just hilariouse and I know ill be saying cinnamon ring from now on..still makes me laugh.. :lol:

  10. #10
    Senior Member DYNO OPERATOR
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    North Georgia "GODS COUNTRY"
    Posts
    539
    I want to know how you got my ex to give you that letter :?: Did she give you a copy of the check too :?: After our divorce I finally understood the meaning of "Silence is Golden"...WAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAW
    SEE THE USA IN YOUR CHEVROLET


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Copyright © 2005-2016 RacingJunk.com All Rights Reserved.

Designated trademarks and brands are the property of their respective owners. Use of this Web site constitutes acceptance of the RacingJunk.com
Terms of Use, Classifieds Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, and Cookie Policy