chevguy65

Quasimodo

>>> > Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one
>>> >day.
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful
>>> >girl in the world."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting
>>> >person in the world."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records
>>> >to have their claims verified.
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously
>>> >happy."It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially
>>> > the smallest person in the world."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and
>>> >says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?"

jbsjunk

The illigetimate love child of the Elephant man, and the breaded lady. :lol:

lively

I THINK THOSE ARE TRUE STORIES :x :x :x

ash

The breaded lady ??? That's just sick!! :lol: :lol:

alscoupe

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January (2007), and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now was somewhere around $60.00.
A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:*
*Family Member:* "I am calling to tell you she died in January."

*Citibank:* "The account was never closed and The late fees and charges still apply."

*Family Member:* "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

* Citibank:* "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

*Family Member:* "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

*Citibank:* "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

*Family Member:* "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this part!!!!)
*Citibank:* "Excuse me?"

*Family Member:* "Did you just get what I was telling you? The part about her being dead?"

*Citibank:* "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

(Duh!)

*Supervisor gets on the phone:*

*Family Member:* "I'm calling to tell you she died in January."

*Citibank:* "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply."

(This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

*Family Member:* "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

*Citibank:* (Stammering) "Are you her lawyer?"

*Family Member:* "No, I'm her great nephew."
(Lawyer info given)

*Citibank:* "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

*Family Member:* "Sure."
(Fax number is given)

*After they get the fax::

*Citibank:* "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

*Family Member:* "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

*Citibank:* "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

*Family Member:* "Would you like her new billing address?"

*Citibank:* "That might help."

*Family Member:* " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

*Citibank:* "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

*Family Member:* "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

(Priceless!!)

alscoupe

This is serious stuff...Beer contains female hormones!
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) argued over nothing.
2) refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Murff

Reminds me of a statistic I recently heard that in the city of Seattle alone, there are over 3000 battered women.

And all these years I've just been eating them plain.

Murff

ash

:lol: :lol: :shock: