Ken, that's a pretty long post, almost a book. lol.
Just kidding, but what I'm getting at is you may be being a little harder on yourself than you should be. That had to take a while to type, I know it would for me.
I can't imagine going through what you've been through and I feel hypocritical telling you to be tough and hang in there when I've never been through anything like that.
But, I can tell you that there are people in your life that want you to be there with them every day and they will help you with your
struggles.
There is nothing wrong with being lost in time. I think everybody finds a time in their life that was their favorite and kinda stay there or even go back to it.
I know I've done exactly that over the last few years.
You really should go to the doctor. It may not be anything bad, but it could cause worse problem if you don't do something about it.