i undrestand that feelin dirka believe me.but with time it does get just a tad easier.that is, if you want it to. i too im having a really hard time dealin with the holidays this yr. with my health like it is ive been kinda thinkin it may be my last. man that will wake your butt up!!lol if you ever want to just bs aboput life son get in touch with me and ill send ya my phonne #