Well boys, I've fought with myself over this for my whole life. I really am genuinely the happiest and at peace with the world when I'm behind the wheel of a race car or in the shop building one. Sounds VERY self centered and it really is. It is what it is and I cannot change it. "I yam wot I yam".
It doesn't make me a bad person, cuz I'm not. What is killin' me is the deep pain that I've brought upon my wife, when I knew all along from day one, It ain't gonna work.