For those of us who have been told we don't know Jack Schitt
We now do
Zip.
For some time, many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack
Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond
in an intelligent way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N.
Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious
couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla
Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a
high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living
with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known
as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son
with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the
other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable
throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers
in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children
were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He
recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa
Schitt.
Now, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can
correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt