I didn't mean to sound harsh... not my intention. I am an addict, through & through. We are everywhere... we are bikers, doctors, teachers, amougst the crowd, everywhere... we all are the same, but look different. Outlaw, I was temporarily like you... not as as bad though. I took methodone & oxycontinin too. I am younger than you, & luckily & I had a chance to heal up pretty good. But in the process, I found that the meds were much more than a need... I wanted them all the time... I found out that I am an addict. It's tricky- because we are judged... I am no different than that guy in the gutter who is shooting up... it's just that i am clean. If I go back, I will certainly die or wind up in the Hospital. Believe me, at parties I get judged for not drinking. I get judged for comming out of a A/A meeting, or simply saying what I have become. People say "I don't judge", but when you see that guy in the gutter, remember; he is not there by choice anymore... he is there because that hell is his life he cannot control. I would love to be able to say 100% that i do not judge, but it's simply not true for me... I am not perfect, & I have judged. One thing I try not to do anymore is judge the addict. As far as the meds are concerned, if that was what i had to do to get up, I would take them. It's better than the pain you must have. lesser of the 2 evils i guess. Take care my friend.