BEST JOKE YOU GOT...CLEAN.
 

Two roofers were up on a barn doin some repairs. When they stopped to take a break theey noticed that their ladder had fallen. Being in the middle of nowhere they knew they couldn't wait for help...it could be hours, it could be days. So they walked to each end of the roof to look for a way down. One guy turns to say there's no way down and his friend is gone. A minute later he comes strolling around the corner of the barn. "How'd you get down there?" he says. He replies "I jumped from this end". The man walks to the edge and looks down only to see a HUGE pile of horse crap, and replies "It looks deep". The guy on the ground says "Don't be scared...it's only ankle deep". So the guy jumps...splat-all the way up to his neck. "I thought you said it was only ankle deep?!?" "It was..I jumped head first."


Used to be a roofer for almost 10 yrs...this ones a oldy.

fisherman spends the day at the lake under a tree fishing, takes a
sip of his wiskey bottle and the fish take the last of his bait, man
looks around and noticed a frog just right for bait, reached over and
just as he was going to grap it a snake snatched it up in his mouth.
the man then pours a little wiskey next to the snake which drops the
frog and licks the wiskey up, the man graps the frog and cuts it up
for bait, after a while of fishing the man feels a tug on his sleeve
and looks down and its the snake, with another frog in its mouth :wink:

two white horses fell in the mud,,, :lol: :lol: oh wait thats a dirty joke :oops: :oops: :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol:

dirty minds...
 

A little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a
big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there
little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey little
girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl as she hurries down the street..

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
“Okay kid, my last offer!

I'll give you 20 Bucks and a big bag of candy if you will just hop on
the back of my bike and we go for a ride."

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and screams
out..............

"LOOK DAD. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BOUGHT THE HONDA INSTEAD OF THE
HARLEY, YOU RIDE IT!"

Bob and Larry were fishing one day near a bridge. As funeral procession neared the bridge Bob stood up in the boat and removed hat. As the hearse crossed the bridge, Bob bowed his head and tear came to his eye. After it passed he sat back down in the boat and resumed fishing. Larry said "Bob, I've never seen you get that emotional about a passing funeral". Bob replied "What do expect? I was married to her for over 20 years".

One day a boy's father walks into his room sits down on the bed and says "ok son today I want to have the father son coversation with you." the boy says "dad is this really necessary?" and the father interups and says "son it is perfectly normal to masterbate everynow and then." the boys gets up and starts to walk away and his face turns blank and embarassed. the father then says"now it is human nature to pet the one eyed snake every now and then just dont do it to much or you will go blind". The boy replies "dad I'm over here."

Know why it's good to date a homeless girl?????????






the next morning you can drop her off anywhere.

LMAO...This wouldn't be experience talking here would it??? :?: :lol: :?:

I was usually the one that got dropped off. :oops:

President Obama

Been a long time since I laughed that hard :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

tod it said a "CLEAN" joke :lol: that was dirty heh heh :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: thats good

Joke
 

ROTFLMAO!!! I AGREE. THAT IS PROBABLY THE BIGGEST JOKE TO DATE.

Re: Joke
 

THAT WAS GOOD. I'LL BE TELLIN THAT ONE TO SOME OF THESE OLD TIMERS THAT COME IN TO SHOOT THA CHIT. :lol: :!:

LMAO!! Sad, but it went over my head at first. I kept thinking it was a reply to something above. A little slow this morning :oops:


That little guy kills me! Where did you get him?

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and
children.

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an
ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching
children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before
they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are
you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

That was a good one Rabbit :lol: :lol: :lol: :twisted:

http://www.westcoastpromods.com/foru...s/hysteria.gif
Rabbit....I found him on the www.westcoastpromods.com forum

Circle Flies
 

A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying
to gather more support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is
from President Bush's home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a
southern drawl and single syllable words.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing
around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them
circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called,
but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're
called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the
back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he
stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of
this country to call their President a horse's ass."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool
them flies, though."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I wish I had a funny joke, but I am not good at them. I think it is the ADD w/ the "H' (can't focus).... anyways, good stuff folks.

wait....what were we talking about???

Jokes. I've got hundreds of 'em. You think you can do a burn out?? I promise you you aint got nothing on Abdulla!! I laugh so hard it hurts every time I watch this!

Jokhttp://s165.photobucket.com/albums/u60/ar_ep/?

Here's another joke.

Three women: one engaged, one mistress, and one married, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes...After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long."

The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night."
The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

FWD racing.

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little
crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his
Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace.
'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'

(You've gotta love this ..)

'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

I thought about the sixty million dollar a year business I ran with 1800
employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos,
pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their
spouse, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in
the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter
with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree,
Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and
something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program
within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything
except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to
live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost
every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that
in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it’s red] phone I am
supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at
Barnes and Nobles talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards
was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and
got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside
was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every
10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would think
that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She
would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next
light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the
cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy,
the GSP lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless
phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven’t
figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around
digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry
baskets when the phone ring.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every
time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on
something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check
out just knocks me for a loop.

I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking confused but
never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just
say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it‘s their turn to
stare at me with a blank look.
__________________

lmao

Sex after death.
 

man...... now i want to be a rabbit!! :lol: :lol:

There is only 1 Rabbit!! :wink: :lol:

Well...according to the joke their must be two. And from the way the joke goes...I don't think I'd want to be the second rabbit. :lol: :twisted: :lol:

Well i might get a lot of slack for htis but this is for the Chevy guys.........

Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.

Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.

Q. Why do Chevys have magnetized bumpers
A. To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys

Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15 seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.

Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.

Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?

Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage.

Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.

Q.How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.

Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.

Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.

Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords

Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.

Q. Why did GM put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?
A. To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the shop

Q. Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.

Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?

Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push his Chevy into the shop

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because his Silverado got stuck.

Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.

CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.
CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually Towed
CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
GMC= Garage Man's Companion
GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company
GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming
GMC= Gay Mans Chariot
GM= General Mistake
GM= Glued Metal

And I cant leave MOPAR out of it. So here ya go ...........

MOPAR.............

Most Often Parked At Roadside
Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Runnin'
Move Over People Are Racing
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Motor On Pavement After Race
Moments Of Power Are Rare

Ford
Fixed or Repaird Daily
Found On Road Dead

Chevrolet

Climbs Hills, Eats Vegas, Runs Over Little Etty Trucks. ( Like Fords)

I had a friend that had a tattoo of an F150 on his calf. It leaked oil all over his foot!!

FORD.......

First On Race Day

Freakin Okies Really Dig'em

:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :arrow:

from the government.
 

DUE TO RECENT ECONOMIC CONDITIONS, AND THE RISING COST OF ELECTRICITY, GAS AND OIL, THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL HAS BEEN TURNED OFF.


WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.