outlaw256
05-08-2012, 04:21 AM
ok guys, this is kinda hard for me but im gonna tell yall the truth. we all know how things use to be. the cars,the music, clothes, etc. and most of yall can move on forward and leave the past behind, maybe where it belongs. well im really having trouble doing just that. its got to where i almost have to recreate the past. im building my cars as i would have back in the late 60s and early 70s.i still look like i did then too. well all but the body and face.lol hell that was 40yrs ago.but i still got my hair. alot thinnner but its all there.and lots of it. i still wear 2 earrings and a long ponytail and i braid my beard. i still dress like i did 40 yrs ago. my music is now considered classic rock.when did that happen.i still want my 8 tracks. and cassettes. in fact i still have them in my cars.dont play so good but i cant seem to switch over to cd.i have the same attitude that i had when i was young. mess with me and ill beat your ass kinda thinkin.but now im crippled up but i seem to forget that when crap happens.im stuck in a time warp and i cannot get out. ive tried to come in to the future. hell im on a computer aint i.ive started to cry now when i think about the past. god i miss it.i long for the days when we all would cruz the neighborhood. doing burnouts at redlites.sittin around at the dq talkin cars. and sometimes about the best pot we just smoked.lol. i watch all the reruns on tv. i love all the shows from the 50s and thru the 70s.when we had just 3 channels we had more shows and better quality.. if i listen to the radio it has to be a classic rock station or i wont turn it on.i know im gettin old and im crippled up now. gettin old is just part of life, i know that. but i have to have the past here, now or i cant survive.my bike wreck seems to have caused alot more damage than we had thought. my brain dr. told me and my wife that i have brain damage and that i would never be the same man she married. and that i was a prime candadate for alzhimers or dementa. in other words, im gonna loose my mind.well its starting to happen.and im getting scared.ive had to live with extreme pain for 7 yrs now.and now im addicted to narcotics, again. was when i was 17. but got clean and stayed that way.but i dont care. just as long as the pain stays away and i can get my drugs when i need them.i dont even get a buzz just feel better.like normal.hell befoer my wreck my iq was 151.now i cant remember a sbc firing order.lol or anything else.i now stutter some when i talk, i dont talk on the phone because i get all fustrated.my wife has to make appointments for me because i get mad at the people on the other end of the phone.my son has to call around lookin for parts because i forget what im workin on.and im gettin tired. tired of the pain, tired of all the problems this damn wreck has brought on.but i love being back in the day.maybe when i finally lose my mind ill go bach there and stay.wouldnt that be cool. to really believe its the 70s again.ive been fightin depression for a few yrs now and i was winnin but now i think its turned on me.its hard to be smart one day and dummer than a bag of rocks the next.the only time im happy is when im rollin down the road in one of my old cars.my 7 yr old granddaughter is the only one who can control my temper and she doesnt even know that. when she comes to stay with me. im a different person but when she goes back to her mom im right back where i am now. lost.lost in time.something just came to me. maybe i long so bad for the past is because that was when i didnt hurt,and i was strong.and happy.i dont know why i put this up here. ive never shared anything like this before with anyone. never.now im sharing my feelings with guys that ive never met. kinda funny dont you think.oh yeah another thing, i dont sleep more than a hour or two a nite. been that way for about 6 yrs. now. never could sleep too much but now its hardly ever.oh well.and my lungs burn all the time now. we all know what that means.hell, ive smoked 3 pks aday for yrs, what do you think is gonna happen.and i aint going to no dr. ive buried alot of my friends lately because of the big c.and they all went to the dr. went thru hell and died anyway. not me, im staying out in the shop till my day gets here. and ill decide when that is.they all went thrun treatments and suffered like hell.im in enough pain now. aint gonna have no more .man i think im writin a book!lol well im done for now. thanks guys for letting me get this crap off my chest.i think i need to see it in writing so i can fiqure out where im at. again thanks. outlaw