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Thread: GETTING OLD Does this happen to you ??

  1. #1
    Senior Member MASTER BUILDER
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    Indianapolis In
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    GETTING OLD Does this happen to you ??

    An elderly gentleman...had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
    The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
    The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
    I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

    Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're a bout my age. How do you feel?"
    Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
    "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
    "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
    The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
    The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
    You know...the one that's red and has thorns."
    "Do you mean a rose?"
    "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"


    Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
    "I don't know," he said "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown"


    A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
    "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
    "Sure."
    "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
    "No, I can remember it."
    "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
    He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
    "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
    Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
    "Where's my toast?"


    A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
    "So I hear you're getting married?"
    "Yep!"
    "Do I know her?"
    "Nope!"
    "This woman, is she good looking?"
    "Not really."
    "Is she a good cook?"
    "Naw, she can't cook too well."
    "Does she have lots of money?"
    "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
    "Well, then, is she good in bed?"
    "I don't know."
    "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
    "Because she can still drive!"



    Three old guys are out walking.
    First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
    Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
    Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


    A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
    "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
    "Twelve thirty."


    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
    Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
    The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."


    One more. !


    A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
    The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
    "No," he replied, "Arthritis."

    8)
    If your not wearing A BOWTIE
    Your NOT properly dressed


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  2. #2
    Senior Member RACING JUNKIE
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Staunton, IL
    Posts
    943

    Re: GETTING OLD Does this happen to you ??

    Quote Originally Posted by fastbowtie
    Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
    "I don't know," he said "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown"




    8)

    True story,
    A number of years ago my grandma had failing health, mentally and phisically. She had surgery and had a pretty rough week. My Aunt had stayed with her all week and I guess was a little weary looking.
    They decided to put grandma in a nursing home. They took her there and while they were getting my grandma registered, my aunt was sitting in a chair with a blanket in her room. A nurse came in and started talking to her "Well hi honey, you must be new here. You're really going to like living here" LOL
    My aunt who was only about 50 at the time said she realized how bad she must of looked. She had to explain she wasn't the patient and wasn't sure if the woman believed her.

  3. #3
    Senior Member RACING JUNKIE
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Montvale, VA
    Posts
    1,431

    Re: GETTING OLD Does this happen to you ??

    Quote Originally Posted by fastbowtie
    An elderly gentleman...had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
    The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
    The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
    I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
    LOL That's the best one!!!!!
    "The problem with quotes on the Internet is that you cannot confirm their validity"- Abraham Lincoln

  4. #4

  5. #5
    Senior Member MASTER BUILDER
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Faribault, Mn.
    Posts
    227
    Done two of `em........ :lol: :lol:
    You lift,...you lose.


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